Thursday, March 12, 2009

Brief thoughts.

It is cold as balls here, but sunny. The wind out here is brutal--worse than the wind back home. The hour-long walk to downtown was largely miserable. I didn't wear a jacket out and regretted it quickly after starting out. I usually wear a jacket and wind up overheating, so this time I didn't and wound up with frozen fingers the whole way. Coffee is now helping to mitigate that.

I am going to have to get over myself and start talking to people and going out eventually. I'm starting to really get sick of spending every night with my parents. My mindset has gone from introverted self-loathing to introverted desperation. Now if I could turn that desperation outward, I'd be in business!

Some guy here is doing a raid in WoW. He switches between YouTube and WoW. He's got a million different scripts running. Damage indicators popping up all over, super-duper raid list this-and-that, DPS tracking and the like. I have no idea what raid he's running. His group doesn't seem that big. He's a priest. Go him.

Fuck, it's cold even inside the cafe. I'm freezing all my little bits off. It's almost worse than being outside. At least the outside has sunlight hitting me. This is just a general atmosphere of chill. I really, really wish I had a jacket right now. Silly me.

But, as I'm stuck down here for the next few hours, I think I will grin and bear it. It is 13:37 right now, woot woot. I don't want to work out tonight. I am glad tomorrow is rest day. I worked out yesterday and my knees were killing me--a direct result of racquetball shenanigans, jumping into walls and falling down to hit low balls. My body is getting all banged up.

There is a pudgy little girl who works here who is always looking at me. I am sorry, pudgy little girl. I am not into you at all. You are cute in a pudgy little way but you are not my style. But thank you for the coffee and such.

Last night I drank 4 beers and a half-pint of bourbon just because I could. I was pondering over buying more this little excursion downtown but think I will pass for a bit. I woke up this morning not feeling bad per se, but not feeling as good as I usually do. I still imagine that when I get back, I will likely fall back into that old routine, but if I can be disciplined a little out here, maybe I can take that back with me.

Had therapy two days ago and I dig the guy. He's quiet and lets me talk a lot, which I dig. He's had some good advice so far, and he sometimes makes little quips that aren't meant to be quips but totally wind up funny. He's been pressuring me to take antidepressants and he makes a lot of good points about them. I told him "I don't really like medications, not even aspirin," and he says "you'd rather self-medicate with alcohol" in a way that makes me laugh. I still don't want to take antidepressants but I'm starting to lean towards giving them a shot. Sucks that it takes a few weeks for them to start working, though. I dunno. Advice?

Not that anyone will actually comment and give me any, but hey.

I have a bit of a runny nose and need to take a deuce-deuce. Ciao ciao.


  1. In my experience, sometimes anti-depressants can help a person take the edge off of the stress of the depression while they work on changing their mental patterns.

  2. I also have a severe aversion to anti-depressants, but if you're going without them you need to be hyper-aware of your own chemistry. Nutrient-rich diet, lost of exercise, and lots of sun are all beneficial, as well as curbing chemical addictions like caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol. Not exactly easy steps to take.

    I would also be very skeptical of a therapist who repeatedly insists on medication.

  3. Cool pictures, Greg. You've got me missing the biting cold, mast-less winter harbor and barely navigable roads.

    Newport is a funny town:
    a). There are more alcoholics per capita in Newport than anywhere else in the country. (Note: not an actual fact.)
    b). It's easier to get heroin than pot in the NPT.
    c). If you're not a local, Newport's social "scene" is a really hard nut to crack. As an "outsider," if you're not a surfer or skateboarder, you may as well be a tourist.

    (Bad) Advice: Anti-depressants are not my thing, although I often struggle with depression. Like you (and nearly everyone I know, including those on anti-depressants), I also self-medicate. I guess I'd rather be a drunk or a pothead than a libido-impaired, emotionless zombie. However, Newport in the winter can be a cheerless place, especially if you don't have a good support network of friends there. The punk rock scene is vibrant ... if you can handle the gutterpunks, I'd recommend going to a couple shows and trying to meet some folks. Or, start taking Zoloft.

    That's my $.02US.

  4. Don't be mean to that pudgy girl!