I think my arms feel worse today than they did yesterday. This isn't right and it isn't fair, not unlike not being able to smoke indoors anywhere anymore. At least the sun is out, I have coffee, and the world isn't imploding in on itself or anything.
I have decided that, when I get back, I'm gonna stop fucking everything in sight and actually try to find someone I'd like to be with for some extended period of time. I am doing quite the opposite of pulling out the stops, because I am in fact putting most of the stops back in. This will require me, naturally, to branch outside of the circles of friends I've created. That's always fun.
It hurts to lift my coffee cup to my lips. My triceps are tightened up and belligerent. I walked down here with my jacket packed into my backpack—it got sunny and enjoyable about fifteen minutes after I left and hasn't let up since—so that I pretty much had a fifteen pound weight around my neck the whole way. That isn't so bad until extrapolated over the course of a few miles. My vertebrae are popping like crazy over here.
I had a quick chat with coffee shop girl while ordering said coffee and the bet is settled on that count. Now I suppose is the matter of the next step, the more presumptuous (regardless of how unlikely the rejection) act of actually saying “I should like to see you in a context outside of your place of employment” with any amount of sincerity and confidence. Though my confidence does seem to be coming back, it's a slow and involved process.
I am listening to Gogol Bordello and stretching out the muscles in my arms and texting James and watching the half-bevy of people strolling about past the window. I have eschewed the comfortable couches in favor of a stool and table by the window. I can see the people coming and going more easily and also have better line of sight to the counter. I may want to settle down for a bit but I think I will always be a creeper. Nothing to be done about it.
I was asked earlier if I eat, and if what I eat can be considered human food. This was in regard to my enormous coffee consumption while in here. I actually have been eating human food lately, and it has been quite nice. I told her that I do eat human food, assuming that ramen and easy mac can be considered human food. I am quickly growing to understand that it can, but only just barely. I am being spoiled simply on the count that I have protein and roughage in my diet for the first time in years.
I wish I had more clothing here. Wearing the same few shirts over and over is getting quite old. I find myself wishing, really, for just a couple different pairs of pants and maybe three or four shirts. Even still, I am coming to realize that I really do have an excessive amount of clothing. That will change when I get back. I am going to slim down my wardrobe, but not until I have worn everything except the things I have now. I will not want to wear this damn Rilo Kiley shirt for quite some time once I get back.
The shop is practically empty. Two people who work here, two people all the way across the place from one another, working on their laptops, and myself, by the window, isolating myself just as much as anyone else. That is bad. I am going to stop listening to my music, take off the headphones, and perhaps read my book and present a more open demeanor.
Ciao, my lovelies.